Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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