my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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