hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Randomize
