As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
