she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Come on in and take your pants off
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