??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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