Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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