Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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