If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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