Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
