Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
