im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
