Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
