hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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