You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
