your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
