He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
