i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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