Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
