You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
