I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Randomize
