i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
