it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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