I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
