He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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