Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
