I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
