She's JV to your varsity
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
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