I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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