It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize
