ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
