I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
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