have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Randomize
