take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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