I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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