Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
