I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Randomize
