**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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