just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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