is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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