There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
