Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
