i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
