i used baking grease as lip gloss
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
