yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Princesses don't give blow jobs
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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