I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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