I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize