Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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