today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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