xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
