I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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