I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
