His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Randomize
