some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
