My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Randomize
