i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
