I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I think people are normalizing furries
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
