I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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