it hurts more in the daytime
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
