he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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