So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
