I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
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