Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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