I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
