i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
