can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
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